The world’s sexiest women are Catalan. They’re gorgeous, laid back, kinda grungy, and infinitely sweet.* So what do you gotta do to bang, smooch, or marry one?
Former dictator Francisco Franco has inadvertently given us a leg up, with the collective mindfuck he caused by banning the region’s language. Today’s Catalans get very excited about foreigners who take the trouble to learn it. And if you don’t have time to master the mother tongue of these 11.5 million hotties, you should at least learn some toasts and the following pickup lines to try on any cute Catalans who cross your path.
An obvious warning: do not use these lines if you are actually Catalan. As we noted in France, using a pickup line in your own language is a dubious move. A foreigner struggling through such a cheesy line, however, is endearing; he or she shows wit, irony, and a winning effort at cultural awareness.
So here they are, Catalonia’s classic, panty-dropping best:
Estudies o treballes? — So, do you work or study?
Vols fer un clau, noia? — Wanna put a nail in it, babe?
* Catalan girls quite nearly destroy their inimitable sexiness with haircuts ranging from dorky short bangs to full-on mullets. If you can manage to overlook the hair, and possibly also the brightly colored, low-crotch saggy pants they love to wear (known popularly as pantalons cagats, or shitted pants), you’ll surely agree with the premise of this post.
Note for Catalan readers
Check out blogger El Rat, who has translated parts of this post (watch her struggle with words like “mindfuck”) and added her own amusing analysis. Update: The site is down for now, she says she’ll put it back up someday, but that her kids “can read”. Check back in 20 years when the shame subsides; I’ll post a link when it’s back up.